Virus invades English language

Let your yes be yes, and your no be no, (Matthew 5:37).

The English language has contracted a virus. If you aren’t looking for the aberration, it might have eluded you. The virus consists of two short words that are actually contractions of two short phrases. “Kinda” and “sorta” have spread like a bad infection negatively impacting communication in our culture.

I first became aware that I had the virus when an interview I did with a local television reporter was put into transcript form. I discovered that my answers to her questions were peppered with numerous “kinda”s and “sorta”s, even when the answer was intended to be communicated with a healthy degree of certainty.

Imagine that as a pastor, someone asked me the question, “Does God exist?” And my response was, “Kinda”. Not a response that would evoke much confidence. In light of today’s text, I’m sure Jesus would have answered the question by simply responding, “Yes”. Or what might someone think who asked me, “Do you believe in pre-marital sex?” and I replied, “I sorta think it is wrong.” Jesus would have simply said, “No”.

If you start looking for this virus in the speech patterns of those around you, you will be amazed at how pervasive it is. Whether in conversation, or watching nationally televised live broadcasts, this virus is everywhere. In fact, it is so pervasive that I found myself wondering how and when we were first attacked.

After extensive research, I believe I have identified patient 0. The year was 1971, and Hoyt Axton wrote a song for Three Dog Night entitled, “Never been to Spain”. In the lyrics, we learn that Hoyt has never been to Spain, but that he “kinda” likes the music. Well Hoyt, what is it? (Hard for Hoyt to answer since he died in 1999) Do you like the music or not? He goes on to inform us that he has also never been to England, but he “kinda” likes the Beatles. “Kinda” like the Beatles? What’s not to like about the Beatles? Fortunately, the virus does not appear in the next set of lyrics where he writes that he has never been to Heaven (Lets hope he has now, since the alternative would not be great for old Hoyt!), but he has been to Oklahoma. He also informs us that they tell him he was born there. How strange had he written that he was “kinda” born there!

I feel “kinda” bad that I have revealed all this to you, because you won’t believe how much it is going to bug you every time you hear the virus. I “sorta” hope you don’t get as obsessed over this as I “kinda” am. I’m working hard to wipe out the virus in my own speech. I’m trying to be clear, like Jesus was, and “let my yes be yes, and my no be no.” But if I can’t kick it, I’ll have a real beef with Hoyt when I get to heaven.